Oh, this isn’t good

My wedding ring broke. I don’t know how, I don’t know when. I just know that this morning I felt something sharp on my hand, looked down and noticed that one of the prongs was bent up. You’d think that something so strong as to bend a ring prong would cause enough damage to the hand that I’d remember WTF I did, but no.

So this weekend I’m running around like a shameless hussy, ringless. (There’s no way I’m still wearing it, and I can’t get to a jeweler until Monday). Yes, a shameless hussy with two sons and a muffin top. I guess I just need a crop top and then I’d be…wait. Damn, my shirts are all crop tops.

You know that scene in Apollo 13 where Jim Lovell’s wife loses her wedding ring down the shower drain the morning of the ill-fated launch? That keeps running through my mind…

So I have a poll. Because wordpress has the cool new poll function and I haven’t played with it yet.

Me? I think it’s…eh, I won’t tell you what I think.

Mom to the rescue!

My parents managed to snag cheap tickets to Denver from Chicago at Thanksgiving…no mean feat. Cheap tix, no blackout dates, get to eat turkey with us…it’s a great thing. See, Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. And I’m pretty sure it’s my brother’s favorite, for probably the same reasons. I’ll get into all of that closer to Turkey Day.

But my mom will be here at the end of the month and has offered to assist in my shopping dilemma. Because neither of us is insane enough to join the throngs on Black Friday, we will lose the boys and the men and go shopping on Wednesday.

‘Cause, dang, the muffin tops are cold.

Moms rock. 🙂

Fashion plate

I hate shopping for clothes. I can never find what I’m looking for, and when I do it’s never in my size. And if it actually is in my size, then I can guarantee that it will shrink in the wash and I’ll suddenly have a 3/4 sleeve crop top where once was a lovely long sleeved hit below the hip shirt.

When I see budgets that have $300 a month or more for clothing, I’m just awed. Really? You find $300 worth of clothing you liked, that fit you, and that will hold up? Every month? Wow. When I hear of great finds at consignment stores or Goodwill/Salvation Army, I’m envious. Really? You found clothing you liked, that fits, and that will hold up? When I hear of women lending clothes to one another, I’m amazed. Really? You and your friend are the same size and have the same tastes?

Lucky.

So I put off the excursion as long as possible, until I can no longer go out in public with the gaping hole in the knee of my favorite jeans. The ones that fit these long legs, big hips/ass, and narrow waist. Until my lovely shirts are showing not only the muffin top, but the muffin top on top of the muffin top (note to self, lay off the Halloween candy…and do remember that wine is not calorie-free). Until the time comes that there is nothing weather and occasion appropriate for dressy situations. Until I have essentially nothing to wear, because the three outfits that work are all in the laundry, and I’m relegated to going out in public in yoga pants (that shrank in the wash), one of the suddenly shortened shirts, and a hoodie that fit once upon a time. I don’t carry the flood victim look well.

I’m bumping up against a clothing excursion and I’m not terribly thrilled. I don’t like going. I have no one to go with (I’d rather go naked than go with Tom and the boys), I rarely find what I’m looking for, and I’m tired of the cost vs. style vs. quality argument that goes on in my head. But it must be done; the muffin top look is scaring the children (won’t someone think of the children? Sob…). And my back is starting to hurt from trying to hunch down a bit to keep the shirt from riding up. (Note to clothing manufacturers: Would it kill you to add an extra inch of fabric? Yes? Then how about ensuring that the freaking fabric doesn’t shrink? ‘Cause that would make me a customer for life. Something to think about, ‘k? Smooches!)

So I’ll go sometime this month, around Tom’s travel schedule. And then the holidays will hit. And then nothing will fit. But I’ll have a lovely muffin top to show off!

Not terribly surprised…

Woke this morning to hear that HP laptop batteries were being recalled because they could overheat.

No.Shit.

Now, I’m not entirely sure if Princess the PMSing Laptop is included in this recall, but the dates are about right. And, with her track record, I’m just assuming she’s included. Oh, Princess, how you vex me!

And:
I could survive for 51 seconds chained to a bunk bed with a velociraptor

Created by Bunk Beds.net

Yeah. It’s Monday.

A Wednesday in bullet points

I could write something profound, but why?

  • I have 23 items on today’s to-do list. Two have carried over from yesterday, and all will take actual brain power. I have little brain power to spare.
  • A has picture retakes tomorrow. The severely chapped chin from the last picture has thankfully healed, he has had a recent haircut, the goose egg/bruise from the fall off the playground equipment is essentially gone…we may actually get a good picture! Fingers crossed…
  • I hatehatehate to vacuum. Partly because it means I have to shovel the boys’ crap up off the floor, partly because the vacuum sucks (or not), and partly because I have the world’s crappiest carpet. (No joke, the first year of this carpet I vacuumed up enough stray fibers to weave a new rug). And then we got a dog. After a month of teasing us, shed-wise, Rosie has decided to drop pounds by shedding instead of losing actual fat. Can’t say I blame her; wish I could do that. And now we’re finding Rosie hair everywhere. And this means I have to vacuum. Did I mention I hate vacuuming? Tom actually commented that now might be a good time to get bids for solid flooring. It’s easier to keep clean, that’s for sure. I love that dog to the ends of the earth, but the shedding stinks. And so does she, come to think of it. Peee-yuuuuu!
  • I was going to try to leave politics behind after voting, but I just can’t. McCain keeps mentioning that “Joe the Plumber” didn’t ask to be pulled into the spotlight, didn’t ask to be part of the campaign…um, old dude? You’re the one who pulled him in by bringing him up at the debate and continually mentioning him at rallies. Is your memory that bad? ‘Cause, dude, you’re the one behind it all. Shut up already.
  • Crap, more politics. I’m finally writing on Sarah Palin. I have been trying something fierce to avoid her, but I give up. I have to get this off my (tiny) chest and get on with my life. I do not like her. I do not trust her. Have you read “Queen Bees and Wannabees” by Rosalind Wiseman? (Which, if you have daughters, you must read). Or seen the movie “Mean Girls?” (Written, ironically, by Tina Fey, based on the book above). Sarah Palin is a Queen Bee (The Queen Bee is in charge. Most of the other girls vie for her approval – to be close to the Queen is to have security). She is a Mean Girl. Men don’t see it because they weren’t in the thick of it in middle school and high school. Men don’t see it because they weren’t the victims of Mean Girls in school. And…by men I also mean mainstream media. But I think it’s starting to come to light. In recent days she has been called a “rogue,” a “diva,” and a “whackjob.” Yeah guys, she’s looking out for herself, that’s the personality of a Queen Bee! McCain had better watch out; Queen Bees are notorious for backstabbing. That smile hides the venom of a woman who will do anything to be in charge. Don’t cross her.
  • I can tell how out of balance my life is by how much coffee I’m drinking. In the last week I went from one cup to three. And realized this morning that the grinder was set to “fine,” which means we’ve essentially been drinking espresso every morning. Three large mugs of espresso. Time to wind it down.
  • We are having the most delicious autumn I’ve ever experienced. The last several years here summer has gotten hotter and hotter in August, until the weather finally breaks and it cools down. Then we get a couple paltry weeks of fall, then snow and winter. But this year we’ve had a delightful diminuendo from summer into winter. Warm, sunny days meld into cool, refreshing nights. The fall colors have been unbelievable this year. The trees seem to glow from the inside, a bright contrast to the cobalt blue skies. Halloween will be in the 70s during the day, and will be pleasant and dry (!!!!) for trick or treating that night. Hallefreakinglujah!
  • I’ve finally broken down and searched out someone to watch J one day a week. I need that extra day to be a good wife/mom/me. Yes, he goes to preschool 2 days a week, but I’ve starting volunteering at their schools one of those days, and with everything I’m doing, I need that extra day. Working from home with him home is tough. So I’m hoping that those extra few hours will help out…those 23 items on the to-do list aren’t getting done for a reason.
  • Is the election OVER YET????? Sigh….
  • And now, my day beckons. And I just remembered 2 more things for the to-do list. Twenty-five. Bleh.

And it’s done

Note: I was going to write a charming little ditty in defense of Costco after reading Michelle’s post on her love/hate relationship with the place. And then I went there this afternoon and left after paying with part of my spleen. And perhaps a lung lobe. But no gas and no liquor store…darned oldest son had to get to swimming.

But I digress.

It’s over. It can all stop now, because I have made my mark. So quit the gritching, end the nonsense, everyone just shut.the.eff.up.already.

I voted today.

Through the miracle that is a mail-in ballot, I made my selections over lunch, making my list and checking it twice, jumped through the legal hoops, and dropped the damned thing in the mail after swimming. My job is done.

And lest you all think I’m only concerned with the Presidential election, I’ll have you know that I do not have an Obama sign in my front yard. I have a “vote for more money for the schools or so help me I’ll ensure my sons pick out your nursing home” sign. Yes, our school district is asking for a mill levy override and a bond issue. You know, for the small details of paying our teachers a decent wage and building facilities that will actually hold all the kids. A’s new school opened 100 kids over capacity this fall. And that’s without open enrollment…that means every single one of the kids in the school are attending their home school. We need more facilities. And our local middle school was built nearly 100 years ago; it’s in dire need of updating.

So, come November 4th, I’ll be anxiously awaiting many results. National, regional, and local. But my job is done.

I voted.

Not feeling all Mavericky

I was with my best girlfriends this past weekend, on our twice-yearly scrapbooking retreat. And we watched the VP debate.

Here is something I learned…little of it to do with politics.

Do not play a drinking game during the VP debate with the words change, reform, darn, or (yes, I DID see the SNL skit a few nights later and about wet my pants laughing) Maverick.

Do not play a drinking game during the VP debate after eating a taco salad (minus the flour tortilla shell) from Taco Bell. That is not enough food in the stomach for the amount of alcohol that will hit playing a drinking game during the VP debate.

Do not try to slam Doritos in an attempt to fill the stomach with something resembling food…because then the person who you believe has no place running for VP will say something so over the top stupid you’ll likely snort Doritos into your nasal cavity and that’s not fun. Oh, and Doritos won’t help the food vs. alcohol situation at all.

So tonight I’ll watch the second Presidential debate and will pass on the drinking game. I’m still recovering from the last one.

And if you haven’t seen this…you need to go see it…

Sarah Palin Debate Flow Chart

One of fourteen

I was supposed to be a Jillian. Jillian. Somehow I ended up as a Jennifer.

No, not somehow. My poor mom woke up from the anesthesia (this was the early 70s after all, they knocked everyone out!) and found that instead of a Jillian she had a Jennifer. Apparently my dad named me while mom was still under. He liked the name. How she didn’t beat him with a bedpan and that they’re still married after 42 years is a mystery.

The thing is…they didn’t know many, if any, Jennifers. And somehow they ended up naming me the most popular name of the 1970s. And so I was always Jenni T. I was one of fourteen Jennifers in my graduating class…a class of over 400 students, many of whom were from other countries and had names far from being Jennifer-ish.

Funny how now I know few Jennifers. My moms’ group had five at one point, but I rarely see any of those women now.

So now I go by Jen. Tom is the only one who really calls me Jennifer. And my parents/brother/old high school friends are the only ones who call me Jenny.

Kim at Hormone Colored Days wrote a fun post last week: Dear Jen, I love your blog! Do you know how cool it was to read that title? All about the blogs she reads with Jen authors. Fun stuff. Jennifers are taking over the blogosphere…be warned. We’ve hit middle age, we’re technologically savvy, and we’re heavily caffeinated. Watch out, here we come.

The universe is not conspiring against me…for a change

So last week I asked advice on smartphones. And when I went back to get Princess, the PMSing Laptop, I was fully prepared to plunk down some money and commit to another 2 year contract with Verizon. Happily. With a smile on my face and hope in my heart.

Alas, it was not to be.

The universe said no. Verizon won’t let me upgrade my phone (!) for another 12 months. Okee dokee then Verizon. Ain’t gonna happen!

‘Cause in another 12 or so months, I’m probably going to be in the market for a laptop that doesn’t get its panties in a knot when I turn it on, or ask it to do computer-y things, or type faster than it can understand. And that computer will be a MacBook, barring any unforeseen circumstances. And if I’m getting a MacBook in 12 or so months and my Verizon contract is up shortly after that…then Mama will also be in the market for an iPhone. ‘Cause right now I just want all my electronics to play nice together. They aren’t right now and Mama is tired of it.

I’d like to thank the universe for its foresight. I didn’t see this economic tsunami coming (I saw perhaps a hefty tidal wave…maybe somthing surfable, with enough practice…but not something of this magnitude. No, I haven’t checked my retirement account, I’m afraid to look), but the universe did and prevented me from slapping down cash last week. Thanks, universe! Glad you were on my side last week.

Now tell Murphy and his sadistic little Law to take a flying leap, will ya? Recovering from the stomach flu/food poisoning on my birthday sucked donkey danglies and was really BAD form.

They say it’s your birthday!

Yup, today is my today. My 35th birthday. Nothing planned, nothing special. Tom has a meeting tonight, so I’ll probably just put the boys to bed and put my feet up.

And start working on my 40 before 40. The 40 things I want to do before I turn 40. And I could use suggestions. I have some ideas, a short list, but could use more. Anyone? Bueller, Bueller???