The Sunglasses Saga

Back in September J broke my sunglasses. This wouldn’t be huge news, but apparently my particular pair are forged from ore from Middle Earth, polished with the tears of PMSing unicorns, and dried with the dying breaths of fairies, for they have been on backorder ever since.

This wouldn’t be such a big deal if I still lived in Chicago or Iowa. But Colorado has 300+ days of sunshine a year and…

BREAKING NEWS…..Colorado has 300+ days of sunshine a year. It does not snow here all year long. Just because our tourism is based on skiing and our “all-weather airport” shuts down during blizzards doesn’t mean that we’re under the white stuff all year long. The weather here is generally quite pleasant. Please don’t move here, traffic is bad enough.

…and the ground is currently covered in snow. Bright sunny days+snow on the ground+light sensitive eyes=PITA. I can’t just go to the sunglasses store and get a new pair because I wear glasses. And these particular glasses are designed to have magnetically attached sunglasses. I did get a pair of wrap-around coverall sunglasses to go over my eyewear and yes, they are indeed as attractive as you might imagine. I look like Great-Granny Jones…I just need a big honkin’ boat of a car. I can scoot down low enough to barely see over the steering wheel, that oughta complete the look. I hardly ever wear the Great-Granny Jones glasses because of the complete and total lack of peripheral vision. I like to see when I drive. Small detail, a personal quirk I suppose.

So for the last three and half months the following has occurred:

Me: Hi, I’m calling to check the status of the sunglasses I ordered.

Eyewear place: Hmm…they’re not here. Let me call the manufacturer, hang on a minute. {on hold, no music, no talking, it’s like being in a black hole} The manufacturer has pushed back the backorder date to (insert date here).

Me: Ok. I’ll check back (insert date here). Will you please call if they come in?

Eyewear place: No problem. Sorry about this!

The following week:

Me: Hi, I’m calling to check the status of the sunglasses I ordered.

Eyewear place: Hmmm…they’re not here. Let me call the manufacturer, hang on a minute. {on hold, no music, no talking}. The manufacturer has pushed the backorder date to (insert date here).

Me: Ok, I’ll check back (insert date here). Will you please call if they come in?

Eyewear place: No problem. Sorry about this!

Apparently ore from Middle Earth is hard to come by this time of year.

The following week:

Me: Hi, I’m calling to check the status of the sunglasses I ordered.

Eyewear place: Hmmm…they’re not here. Let me call the manufacturer, hang on a minute. {on hold, no music, no talking}. The manufacturer has pushed the backorder date to (insert date here).

Me: Ok, I’ll check back (insert date here). Will you please call if they come in?

Eyewear place: No problem. Sorry about this!

The fairies have unionized, gotten group health care, and are living longer.

The following week:

Me: Hi, I’m calling to check the status of the sunglasses I ordered.

Eyewear place: Hmmm…they’re not here. Let me call the manufacturer, hang on a minute. {on hold, no music, no talking}. The manufacturer has pushed the backorder date to (insert date here).

Me: Ok, I’ll check back (insert date here). Will you please call if they come in?

Eyewear place: No problem. Sorry about this!

This is fracking ridiculous. The unicorns are now pregnant and won’t be PMSing for another 12-18 months.

The following week:

Me: Hi, I’m calling to check the status of the sunglasses I ordered.

Eyewear place: Hmmm…they’re not here. Let me call the manufacturer, hang on a minute. {on hold, no music, no talking}. The manufacturer has pushed the backorder date to (insert date here).

Me: Ok, I’ll check back (insert date here). Will you please call if they come in?

Eyewear place: No problem. Sorry about this!

I gave up and today the conversation went as such:

Me: Hi, I’m calling to check the status of the sunglasses I ordered.

Eyewear place: Hmmm…they’re not here. Let me…

Me: No. They’ve been on backorder since September, just give me the model number so I can get online and search for them

Eyewear place: Are you sure?

Me: (ya gotta be kidding me) Yes, I’m sure. Give me the number please (before I run someone off the road wearing these Great-Granny Jones glasses).

I’m sure you can see where this is going.

I can only assume Middle Earth has been wiped off the map, the unicorns are in hiding, and the fairies’ health care coverage is better than mine…for my glasses and accompanying sunglasses have been discontinued.

My vision plan does not cover LASIK…wonder if I can join the fairies’ group coverage?