Thursday Thirteen: Things I’ve learned from potty-training two boys

Thursday Thirteen
1. Running around stark naked really does work. Just be prepared to pony up the cash to clean the carpets once the potty training has taken hold.

2. They are so cute in their character tighty-whities. My favorite has to be Bob the Builder. My least favorite is Elmo. I despise Elmo.

3. That is not not not a raisin on the floor.

4. It’s also not a chocolate chip.

5. Or a piece of fuzz.

6. Get a tissue, then have a stiff drink.

7. Running around starkers will lead to a lot of pen!$ playing. Get used to it, it’s one of those boys things, and frankly, it ain’t never gonna end. Just direct him to the bathroom, tell him to play with it in there, and when he’s done playing to wash his hands. And let me know if that actually works, ’cause it appears to be a lost cause here. ; )

8. Never underestimate the power of a big canister of Jelly Bellies.

9. Disposable cleaning wipes (such as Clorox wipes, or the generic ones at Costco) may be an environmental disaster, but bathrooms that little boys frequent are Superfund cleanup sites, so decide which one you want on your conscience. Me, I’d rather feel guilty using the wipes, because my delicate heiny doesn’t want to use facilities that are reminicent of a porta-potty at Taste of Chicago.

10. The call of “MOMMY! I POOPED!” is one of the sweetest sounds ever. The call of “MOMMY, WIPE MY BUTT!” is not.

11. A pissing contest does nothing but anger everyone. A pooping contest will have a 6 year old and a 3 year old competing to see who can land the largest “sewer snake.” I am not making this up.

12. Running around naked will cause the 3 year old to do a pen!$ check on everyone. He is now pretty confident in telling people that he has a pen!$, A has a bigger one, daddy’s is really big, and mommy’s is missing. Or inside. He hasn’t decided which one yet.

13. And, finally, potty training two boys makes mommies nuts. Nuts enough to write a 13 point list about it for the whole internets to see. Someday A and J will see this list, their girlfriends will see this list, and I will just sit back and laugh.

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